:: The Adorable Cookie Monster ::

I have this huge knot in my chest right now. Aku rase sesak dada gile cos aku miss dia tremendously right now. -aku rasa ni gak but aku dah x tahan aku nangis

A very close friend of mine sent me this text this afternoon, while I was trying to sleep off my misery. The first part of the text is the text that i originally sent her 2-3 days ago.. she sent back my own text to me today and added a line of her own to it.. cos she was feeling the exact feeling i was feeling about a certain someone. *sighs*.. somehow these people will never know the actual affect they have on us.. no matter all the words in an Oxford dictionary put together.. it is still inefficient and inaccurate in explaining how a huge knot in the chest feels like, when you’re tremendously missing a person.

I questioned my friend, why was she letting go of something / someone she wants sooo bad sooo easily? It upset me a great deal actually.. I told my friend.. "If the person is worth it, one would fight to be with that person. Regardless."

She replied saying that "hmm the feeling should be mutual kan?" and also gave me that ridiculously cliche line of "if you love someone, let them go.. if that person doesn’t come back to you, then it was never meant to be"…

ooh.. that was a BAD LINE to throw me.. because I don’t agree with that line.. AT ALL.

Okay.. firstly, about "the feeling should be mutual" bit… Individuals work differently. That is why they are called individuals. They have a mind of their own and it works differently than how we would approach a certain matter. There’s also the factor of thinking with your heart and thinking with your mind.. (another friend made me discuss this with her a few weeks ago.. i might blog about it one day).. Keeping it simple, generally, thinking with your mind is based on reason, facts and logic. It’s usually straightforward. Only black or white, yes or no answers. You wanna do something wrong, you think with your mind and it generates this "Emm.. this is wrong. Don’t do it. Full stop." and the matter is dropped. When you think with your heart.. all sorts of grey areas are touched. You do think with reason, facts AND logic as well… however all these are also followed by a justification on WHY you think you should do / not do something.. and usually when you think with your heart, it usually has something to do with love cos love is the ultimate reason why people do crazy, stupid, foolish things..

So why people don’t necessarily have "mutual feelings" to fight for something could be based on those heart / mind thinking factors.. They find reasons to justify their reasons for having a reason about something in the first place!

*sighs*

Which brings me to the second part.. the part i feel soooo strongly against. "if you love someone, let them go.. if that person doesn’t come back to you, then it was never meant to be".. haha forgive me for saying this, in case anyone termakan cabai.. (hit a nerve).. but a person who just lets another person go, without a fight is really stupid.

Being the optimist that I am.. Nothing is impossible. If you want something or someone real bad, you can obtain em with the right strategies applied. It’s just a case of how bad do you want that something and how far are you willing to go for it. You know how people say, "Jodoh ditangan Tuhan"..? (fate is in God’s hands) well, I believe that if you don’t work for it, jodoh is not gonna drop down from the sky for you.. and lets just say, even IF it does.. it may not have been the very best that you could have had anyways.. same thing goes for "kita bertawakal je laa" (to leave the rest of the fate to God).. I think that is WRONG. one should only bertawakal only after working hard for something, doing the best that they could possibly do to obtain whatever it is that they want THEN they are entitled to bertawakal.

You want an A for a paper which you don’t study for at all. You sit for the exam thinking you’re a freaking genius (which you’re not) and you simply say.. oh, bertawakal je laa.. if you were aiming for an F, you most likely would achieve it.

You want to date a girl sitting across the room that you think is freaking amazing.. you don’t introduce yourself. heck, you do nothing and by the end of the night, she still probably doesn’t know that you exist. "Jodoh ditangan Tuhan"..? pleaseeee…. if you mustered up the courage to talk to her, to get her number, to call her up time and time again after that first meeting.. at that point, you can probably leave it to fate cos you did try all sorts of things leading to a possible date. Only then you can say, if it happens, it happens.

So, my dear friend.. your case is something rectifiable.. but only if you guys choose to stop being stubborn, stupid and egotistical.. then you might be able to find an actual solution.

In my case, I am fighting a losing battle. No matter how amazing and fantastic I may appear to be, I still can’t win.. or maybe I can’t win, just yet. Even in my position I find that I’m still fighting for what I want.. maybe it’s indirectly but I’m still fighting for it, one way or the other.

So.. how do you win a losing battle? haha… trust me to come up with strategies.. (of course I have strategies..) When the odds are against you.. there isn’t much you can do. You are likely to lose but just by being on the losing side, you have certain strategic advantages that might make all the difference.

I’m only gonna mention one.. cos laying all my strategies ain’t really smart either.. haha… don’t be afraid to leave things as it is for a while if you don’t have a good way out. Patiently wait for an opportunity to rise. (i guess this is where the whole patience is a virtue comes in).. when your destruction is pending.. secure equilibrium in the confrontation and you’ll still be in the race.. any changes that follows are more likely than not to be in your favor.

…and IF my strategies do fail me, at least I tried.. and at least I thought it was worth fighting for. No regrets.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 25th, 2007 at 9:27 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.