:: The Adorable Cookie Monster ::

I love this song.

Of course there may be some history to it.. but I love it all the same.

I love Marcell.

There’s something about this particular song and Semusim, that can really touch my heart and make me weep like a 5 year-old that just fell off a bike and got thrown into a longkang..

Dari dulu til now.. the affect this song has on me is the same.. ESPECIALLY on a rainy day and when I’m feeling really, really blue.. this is the cd my hand would reach for when i’m driving.. or on my iPod at home.. or on my Playlist at the office.. just about anywhere lah. This is also the only song I’ll listen to on my flights anywhere, the whole journey.. to and fro.. sampai laa battery iPod habis.

I always feel that with the heavy rain and with marcell crying his feelings out through this song.. he managed to capture exactly how i feel..

Call me jiwang.. when I heard Marcell sing this song live at his concert.. I was drenched in tears by the end of it.

So, if you wanna see me cry like a 5 year-old.. well, this is my kryptonite.

Today’s a horrible day.

The worst part is, it’s not even half a day yet!

I can’t fight back the tears anymore today.

So, here I am, drenched in tears.

I’m just so damn tired of being nice.

I’m usually so nice to every-freaking-one.

I’m even nicer to people I care about.

Even when I’m feeling not-so-nice myself.

I’m so tired of being understanding.

Even when deep down somewhere inside.. my heart is screaming, NO, I DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND!

It seems like I ALWAYS, ALWAYS have to be the understanding one, swallow-every-bit-of-crap-that-comes-my-way and forced to tolerate it.

Where’s the just in that?

I am sick of being nice.

Especially when no one else seems to give a shit about how I feel.

Especially when this no one is someone to me.

No one seems to give a shit on the efforts & sacrifices I make on my part.

Everyone just seems to take it for granted that, "Oh, Nizz is so nice. Nizz is so sweet. I’m sure she can handle this as well."

Everyone wants things to be their way.. on their terms.

One day nice to me, one day macam sial.

What the hell?!!

What about me?

What about what i want?

What about what i feel?

What about what i need?

I wish for once, the people I care about will just stop being fucking inconsiderate & fucking selfish.. cos that’s all I seem to get.. The It’s-All-About-Me kind of people.

When am I gonna find someone who cares about me? About what I think. About what I feel for a change.

P/s: I think your can’t be bothered attitude just downright S-U-C-K-S!!!!!!!

Every year I have friends who ask me "Nizz, What do you want for your birthday?"

…and i never ever seem to have an answer cos well, i’m a person who doesn’t need much.. however, should i need stuff, it’s the kind that even i can”t afford.. even with a bonus of a year’s pay.

Tonight, I want something.. and i want it bad… I want an Origamic Architecture book. Preferably, one that has pattern sheets inside.. well, it has to have pattern sheets inside cos i don’t know how to design my own, from scratch!! err.. i’m not exactly "perfect" with my hands..

(Note: I AM awesome with my hands.. but well, in different situations.. haha)

*sighs*.. since I might be at The Curve tomorrow.. I think I might just pay Borders a visit..

I’m exhausted.. had a long day.. who knew the weekend would be so stressful eyy? I had a full day of classes and a test I had only remembered about the night before. To my horror, I had to study like hell last night and whatever time i had left to spare in the morning. I pumped my body with too much caffeine today.. and i’m tired.

I never knew that a 10% test would bother me as well.. 10%. bother me? seriously? and i studied for it. studied like hell. the night before. only cos i’ve been slacking in the studying-on-my-own region. it actually bothered me that i might not do too well on the test as well.. the old me would have probably given up and said "fuck it, i’m going to bed.. heh".. but no.. i stayed up. and read. and read. and after 4 hours back-to-back classes, i read some more. for another 2 hours. i can’t believe that i actually allowed myself to bake in the car, at 1230 in the freaking afternoon.. just cos i needed a nap. terribly. and right after, i read some more. til it was time to do my paper.

and.. i think i did ok. i don’t know how accurate my answers are.. but i know i did ok. and i’m happy cos i didn’t screw it up.

there are so many things on my mind.. good stuff.. work.. and worries.. i would love to pour my heart out here.. maybe even break down cos i’m too exhausted from everything. i know i should probably go sleep but i promised my friends that i’d hang out with them tonight.. and i do miss hanging out with them. we don’t have to have our buka puasa at some God-forsaken place.. cos i’m pretty happy being in melawati.

hmm.. maybe i will take a short nap before we do coffee.