You’re almost there nizz…

no i’m not!!

2 days and half an hour to go….

arrrgggghhhh lama nyerrrrrr!!!

You can do it!!

sighs

Oh come on.. Suck it up!

I was google-ing something this morning and i came across this and thought it was hilarious. No, i was not google-ing "how+to+stalk+someone".. truth be told, it was something unrelated! (yeah, yeah.. i KNOW you don’t believe me.. "whatever"..) anyway.. happy reading!

Stalking Techniques:

How to pursue the guy you adore but are unable to deal with on an adult level.

Note: This article is a big, fat joke. If you are really stalking someone in a creepy and scary way, you should stop.

1. Find out where he works.

If he works in a store or food place, shop or eat there regularly. If you’re lucky, he might wait on you. Try to get as much interaction out of him as you can. For example, if he comes to your table to check on how things are, ask for a refill of coffee or iced tea. This will force him to come back to your table.

If he doesn’t work in a store, you can still stalk him. Receptionists are notorious for leaking information. For example, if you don’t know his last name, call and ask for him by his first name. The receptionist will most likely ask for his last name. Pretend that you can’t remember his last name and act really embarrassed about it. S/he will most likely sympathize and tell you. Extra bonus: the receptionist might connect you to his extension and you’ll get to hear him say, "Hi. This is Josh," before you hang up really fast.

2. Drive by the place he lives. 
The Route

When I was a sophomore in high school, my friend Gretchen and I had a route that we drove daily that passed the houses of all the boys we liked - Chris Toupe, Geoff Henderson, and John Livingston. (John Livingston is an actor now, appearing as Walter in the fine film "Mr. Wrong."). At night, drive by very slowly. Sometimes a curtain will be carelessly left open and you can peek in the living room. If you can walk by his house, that’s even better. You never know when he’ll be outside playing basketball and you’ll be able to strike up a conversation. It is very important that you be subtle about this house thing. You must always have a plausible excuse for being in his presence because you don’t want to look psycho — this ruins all your chances with Mr. Wonderful.

3. Try to obtain objects he owns.

If you hang out with him, you can borrow things from him and "forget" to return them. If you don’t know him well enough to do this, you will have to steal. The #1 best thing you can get is a piece of his clothing. Sniff the fabric to see if it still smells like him, wear it frequently and refuse to wash it. When clothing isn’t available there are many other objects that will suffice: books (for insights into his interests and thought processes), CD’s (Warning: if a CD is very easy to obtain, it probably isn’t in heavy rotation and he is trying to get rid of it. This means you could start listening to Hootie and the Blowfish all the time for no reason.), and sunglasses (so you can put them on and see the world the way he does). If you aren’t able to get your hands on something he owns, you’ll have to settle for something he’s touched. Walk around behind him and pick up things he’s dropped — pens, pencils, BART tickets, candy wrappers, etc. When you’re not fondling the objects, keep them in a special place - under your futon, in a box that you’ve decoupaged his name onto, etc.

4. Write about him in your journal every day.

Make sure to say things like:

1. "If he’d only talk to me he’d see that we’re perfect for each other."
2. "I’m pretty sure he knows who I am now."
3. "Josh spoke to me today! Allison and I went into the cafe and when he was making my coffee he asked me if I wanted regular or low-fat milk. I told him low-fat and he said, ‘Coming right up!’ Then he smiled."

5. If you’re very brave, ask him out on dates.

If he says no (especially if he says no nicely) keep asking him out. Don’t give up until he’s rejected you at least 3 times.

6. The Internet is a stalker’s new best friend.

1. Your first priority is to try to find Mr. Lovely’s web page. I suggest starting with AltaVista. Separate his first and last name into two parts and make them required for return. (i.e.: +"josh" +"lurie-terrell"). If you find his page, bookmark it and visit it often.

2. If you have a shell account, "finger" him to see when he last logged in. This helps you more easily track his every move.

3. It’s also fun to get really drunk, log on and send him e-mail. Pour your heart out to him and tell him you miss him with all your heart and soul. You’ll sincerely regret it in the morning, but it’ll seem like a great idea at the time.
   To: coffeejosh@ginger.berkeley.edu
        From: daisy@linex.com
        Date: Wed, 02 Apr 1997 23:21:01 -0800
        Subject: Hi!

        Dearest Josh,

        You probably don’t know me, but I come into the cafe where you work a lot. I know you go to  Berkeley, so I fingered josh@every machine on the Berkeley system until I found your e-mail address.  You’re always very friendly to me and you give me a shot of almond syrup in my latte whenever I ask for  one. In fact, sometimes you even suggest the almond syrup! : )

        You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t been into the cafe for awhile. I was sent down to Orange County for my job for a few months. I really hate it. In fact, I’m totally drunk right now. I drank an entire bottle of Glen Ellen white zinfandel while I was watching Party of Five tonight. (You should pick some up - it’s only $4 a bottle) So anyway, I guess the reason I’m writing is because I really miss you and I wish you were here to froth my cappacino right now (if you know what I mean). Do you want to go out for a beer or something some time?

        -Wendy, Almond Syrup Girl

7. Befriend his unattractive best friend.

You’ll get to hang out with him sometimes and you’ll hear all sorts of funny stories where he figures prominently. Bonus: You’ll get a nice ego boost when Mr. Best Friend falls in love with you and you have to reject him.

8. Talk shit about his girlfriend.

9. If you’re still in school, take the same classes he does.

You might end up in a study group with him. At the very least, you’ll get to stare at him on a regular basis. Even better, switch to his major. This will give you something to talk to him about if you run into him at a party.

10. Call him and hang up when he answers.

11. If he’s in a band, go see their shows all the time

But don’t act too groupy-ish. You’ll just end up looking lame. Instead, keep your distance. If he approaches you smoke a cigarette and look amused.

12. If he smokes and you don’t – start!

This will ensure that you have something in common. Also, bumming a cigarette is one of the best ways to start up a conversation with someone you don’t know. In California you aren’t allowed to smoke indoors in any public place. This forces smokers to go outside to alleys, patios and back porches to feed their habit and gives them a feeling of camaraderie.

13. And finally, if he ever starts to get scared of you, back off.

A restraining order really ruins a relationship.

Got the chance to stay home today.. of course I’d like to "cut work" every now and then.. but staying home cos i’m sick, doesn’t really do it for me..

As a kid, whenever I fell sick.. mummy made me rest.. and rest.. AND rest… that meant no TV, no running around in the house (or outside).. definitely no going online.. just pure rest.. eat my meals and medicine.. then sleep! I am sick and at home for a reason.. and it’s to get better.

At 27, i think i’ve learned well.. of course if my mummy had come to check up on me from time to time, she might have caught me in front of my pc.. and daddy was back from work by 1pm.. thank God when he came into my room to check up on me, i was asleep and not in front of my pc.. he probably would have said, "oo.. go online sihat je.. keje tak larat" (considering my job DOES involve going online as well) not to worry.. i was in bed majority the time til my head hurts from making myself sleep.

Being sick is tiring.. I’m still drowsy from the medicine I took at Sahur.. my head and back are aching.. and I’ve been trying to find the best position to sleep in cos however i try, semua pun tak sedap tido. I’m restless, quiet and low on energy..

and maybe, just maybe.. i might be missing someone. maybe.

for all you know, my demam might just be demam rindu.

i miss my caramel machiatto right now.. heck, aztec from chocs sounds just about good too.. okay.. i’m going back to bed.. again! (stupid drowsy medicine..)

i’m in dire need for a massage.

Exultance.

Exhilarated.

Elated.

Who knows why..? hehe *grins*

I’m up at four in the morning.. and it’s not even because of my girlfriend’s (gwen) song..

It’s funny cos I actually awoke from sleep with a lot on my mind.. so early in the morning and i’m thinking of crap already.. what laa… last night i had a talk with one of my best friends.. and i asked her, IF i were to be in a rship with so-and-so.. would we end up not talking to each other again? My best friend loathed my ex sooo much, she actually skipped a friend’s wedding just because she knew that my ex and i were going together! and it’s taken this long for us to patch things up again.. and we’re doing quite alright.. hehe.. the fact that she wanted to send over fried rice that she herself cooked, to my office since i was working late (yet again..)  says a lot.

Future.. future.. future… My sunshine asked me last night, what’s my 5-year plan. That was something I couldn’t answer.. and it bothered me. Then, my sunshine narrowed it down to "what’s your 6-month plan?" I still couldn’t answer that one.. and believe me.. from a 5-year plan to a 6-MONTH plan.. it bothered me to bits that I couldn’t answer that either!

I had plans.. well, at least i sorta did.

Last year. I knew who I was gonna be with, I knew what I was gonna be doing.. I had most of it mapped out.. but things changed. I’m no longer with that person anymore. I changed departments at work. I sponteneously took up a FOUR-year degree.. and I have fallen for someone else. Someone that I’m not sure where all of this is heading either. Someone who sendiri pun tak sure where all of this is heading jugak. That’s okay kot.. for now..

Anyway.. like i said.. it bothered me that I couldn’t answer that question, hence I am up at this Godly hour, thinking. Right now, the only thing that I can really think of is advancing in my career.. which also means to finally sit my ass right, grasp as much as I can within working hours and also start hitting the books.. for that degree. All I really want to do is to do things right this time around.

I have made a lot of changes this year.. I am no longer seeing the ex, which feels very liberating that we are no longer in contact OR back and forth OR drives me emotionally insane.. my ex is someone else’s problem right now. (and i’m SURE whoever has known me for as long as I was with my ex, they’d be feeling quite liberated for the same reasons.. haha)

I have quit being irresponsible and quit a lot of bad habits I used to lug around.. I have changed my lifestyle in more ways than one. You see, these things were not "in my plan" for this year..

Honestly, I don’t know what my 5-year plan is.. The only thing I can see myself doing at that stage is graduating, running my company and driving a really suave car.. but all the nitty-gritty bits, I’m unable to break em down just yet. In my 4-5 year plan, I was hoping that I might find someone by then who is worthy enough to settle down with.. cos only God knows how tired I am of ending up with people who doesn’t appreciate me, who cheats on me and hurts me like shit.. but then again, who is to guarantee you that they’d never break your heart, right?

So, I work.. and I study.. and friends of mine cringe at the thought that I’ve turned into this workaholic that they’ve never seen me as. There’s just so much to do and so little time. Without realizing it, i am 10 years out of school.. celebrating our tenth-year reunion in November.. and I still haven’t achieved much within those 10 years. I would never admit that I’m a workaholic but it’s hard to not say that I am when I’m actually working at least 3 nights a week and after hours on weekends.

Why do i throw myself in my job these days? cos i’m tired of being disappointed. Working beats cracking my brain about a lot of other stuff.. and i get paid doing what I do.

My vision feels so blocked right now.. optimism has sort of died on me, disappointment after disappointment.. so now i’m reconstructing my dreams.. I’m gonna take one step at a time.. my year-end plan is to build my hopes and dreams again.. gather up my guts to seal all leaks from my sort of mangled heart.. it’s not that broken anymore.. but there are cracks and leaks which i have joked about could explain the low blood pressure.. haha

Hopefully by January, I’d be able to see clearer. To figure out direction.. to see where I’m headed.. So, sunshine.. ask me again in January.. I might have an answer for you by then. Might.

I guess while I’m already up, I should study.. and I hope everyone has a great day ahead.. I know I will.

When is it okay to start missing someone?

Is there a time frame? Would it be marked on a Gantt chart?

Is it ever too fast to be having such feelings, especially if you’re not dating yet?

Ntah laa.. i personally feel that it doesn’t matter if you’re dating or not.. if you miss the person, you just miss the person, regardless..

It’s amazing how powerful missing someone can be.. awesome and torturing all rolled in one.

*sighs*

Anyways, this is just a question to dust off your thinking cap this Monday morning, being The Thinker that I am

Results are out.

Did alright

Next challenge, starts Saturday.

Whee…

Today was a downright lousy day..

Who knew after all the insults, crap AND the broken heart i’ve had to endure.. I was STILL requested to menyara my ex?!! SERIOUSLY?!! Who would have thought, kan? I just wonder WHY the request was not forwarded to the ever-so-sengal-looking new partner? Takkan enjoy holiday & booze-ing sini sana je boley, dol.. pandai-pandai laa jaga dia financially sekali.. takkan laa akuuuu jugak nak kena support korang punya lifestyle pulakkkk.. perrgghhh…

People say that there’s a limit that once crossed.. THAT’S IT! Well, yesterday was pretty IT for me. No one has witnessed me blow my top off THAT bad.. ever. All those years of pent-up anger was finally unleashed yesterday.

Which brings me again to this week’s favorite (appropriate) line of mine… "Jangan disangka air yang tenang, tiada buaya"… Apparently, I’m a pretty good definition of it.. heh.

Do you fall in love too fast?

There’s nothing like that giddy, lighter-than-air, we’ve-totally-clicked feeling of finding a new partner. But how do you know if that head-over-heels sensation is for real… or if you’re moving too fast, too furious into complete infatuation land? Here’s how to tell whether you’re getting carried away…or are moving smoothly on the road to real love.

Carried-Away Clue #1: You’re more interested in the pairing-up than the person
Having a new girlfriend is a thrilling feeling. But sometimes we realize after the affair is over that it wasn’t really the person we were interested in, but the ‘project.’ “I brought an overnight bag on the second date, and by the third I was bringing work ‘home’ to her place,” says Margaret, 29, from San Diego. “It just felt good to have a routine with someone.”
The expert says: “When you dive into a serious-acting relationship before you’ve evaluated things, you may be subconsciously trying to mask fears of being alone or not being good enough,” says Bennett.
Reality check: When you think a relationship is ‘perfect,’ ask yourself why the woman is so right for you. If the only thing you think of is, “She likes me,” you’re getting ahead of yourself. That could mean you scare off a relationship that, if you let it breathe and develop on its own, really is perfect.

Carried-Away Clue #2: You only RSVP “with guest”
She’s having drinks with her co-workers? You’re there. The Thursday-night book club you’ve been attending for months? She’s the newest member. Yes, it’s great to date someone whom you never get sick of and gets along with all your friends. But when you glue yourself to your new girlfriend, you’re cheating the friends who like spending time with just you. You’ll also eventually erode some of the unique bonds and interests that made you the person your girlfriend fell in love with.
The expert says: “Usually it’s somehow tied up in a fear of being alone,” says Bennett. “When this comes at the beginning of a relationship, it has nothing to do with the person you’ve just met, but how you feel about yourself.”
Reality check: Not to be negative, but when you guys do have a fight or — gasp — break up one day, you’ll want to have places you can go and friends you can turn to who are yours alone.

Carried-Away Clue #3: Her dreams become your dreams
There’s nothing wrong with an active fantasy life—not counting Circus Jenny on The L-Word. But focus on when those fantasies occur and whether they involve things that would make you happy… or would make your girlfriend happy. Daydreams focusing on wowing your mate can hint that you’re still looking to win her over with a grand gesture. “After dating a painter for three months, I started looking to buy a home that had an artist’s studio built into it,” confesses Katie, 31, a writer in Los Angeles. “We weren’t anywhere near ready to live together, but it seemed like the loving thing to do.”
The expert says: “If you find that all of your fantasies occur in the future, it’s likely that you’re just dreaming about a lifestyle anyone can provide,” says Bennett. What’s more, you may be worrying that your woman doesn’t love you enough now, so you’re focusing on how to amp up her affections.
Reality check: Bring it back down to earth with visions of what makes you two so special when you’re together. Solid relationships don’t require you to bring home the moon—it’s enough to know you’re mooning over each other.

B. Keith is a New York-based writer.

Okay people.. i have done my research.. yes, it bothered me THAT much k… and this piece was written by a Berkeley, California psychologist who specializes in emm.. relationships!

I have not succumbed to either of the 3.

You’re more interested in the pairing-up than the person

I have definitely not brought overnight bags and my work back to anyone’s place. i have my own house to sleep in and an office for my work. I do not think that the person i’m with is right for me only because that person "likes me".. liking me back helps a lot in building my confidence and self-esteem but there are other stronger reasons why i think that the person is right for me..

Carried-Away Clue #2: You only RSVP “with guest”

I haven’t RSVP-ed anything.. it so happens that we have mutual friends. If dia free to join, join je lah. Kalau tak free, that doesn’t mean that I won’t be going as well. I love my lepak outings — with or without you babe. It’s good to be able to do things on our own as well cos berkepit sepanjang masa can be pretty suffocating. You can’t really call your cinta hati and ask "so, how was your day?" when you’ve spent the entire day together, doing the same stuff!! You need room to miss each other.

Carried-Away Clue #3: Her dreams become your dreams
I haven’t even covered what dia punya dreams are. For instance, kalau dia cakap dia nak buat Masters in London, i’d say, "Way to go, darling.. don’t worry, i’ll be waiting right here when you get back". (and you know that I would be.. cos this is me!) I would do things to include my other half in my life but takde la to the extend of changing my dreams to dia punya dreams.

Thus, I do not fall in love too fast as you guys said I do. By this, you guys may have even spooked me out.

P/s: So, eat my shorts.

I’m someone who rarely gives a crap about what people have to say about me.. but apparently, it got to me today.

I was told that I fall too fast.. (yes, in love).. and it bothers me like hell. I’m as loyal as it gets. When my heart is with someone, it’s there. It doesn’t go astray. It doesn’t wander. It doesn’t check other people out nor would my heart cheat on you. 

It’s one thing for someone who doesn’t know you well enough to come up with that line.. but if the people who knows you best, say the same thing.. then i’m finding it hard to digest.. hence why i’m all worked up about this.

Were you guys blind when I was depressed like hell? I couldn’t get past the notion of going out with another person pun for quite a while unlike someone who not only broke my heart into pieces, but also senang-senang je get "in a relationship" just like THAT! THAT is falling fast k.. giving your heart, body and soul to person after person like nobody’s business.

For all the months that I have been miserable.. baru last month i was busy crushing on people here, there and everywhere.. ok, THAT was an exaggeration. i only had 2 crushes and just one other person who came along.. well that one, i ended up really liking.

Itu pun, i was crushing on people just to keep my mind of stuff.. i don’t have a list of criterias to fulfill if i’m crushing on someone.. muka gorgeous sikit that’s it.. and i’d swoon over that person.. but that is my definition of CRUSHING..

Not when i LIKE a person. if that was the case.. i should just gather up people (yang muka gorgeous of course) and maybe flip a coin on who wants to be with me.

LIKING a person is more sacred.. it’s way more than just looks ok. I always say that "saya memandang pada rupa"… but that has never been entirely true. There are a whole lot of other things that makes me analyse my decision to like a person further.. Harap muka je lawa, tak bagi makan k.. unless of course, i’m dating a model.. then you can forget that line.. and no, i don’t expect the person i’m dating to feed me, literally..

I am indeed a very cerewet person as some know that I am.. but when i do see potential people with the qualities i like, do you think that i’m just gonna sit around and do nothing about it? and if the person is gorgeous, it sure as hell makes swooning over the person a bonus k.. thinking about their dreamy smile.. or what they’re wearing to work today.

To me, crushing is really more to how the person carries themselves. Of course, kalau gorgeous and a no-brainer.. there will never be hope, to be with me laa that is.. heh. I was once the person who dates a person based on SPM results k.. that’s how much i was interested in the BRAIN rather than the looks.. and no, i no longer ask people.. SPM aggregate brape?.. IF you’re wondering :p

My point to all this is.. when i’m miserable, you guys tell me to get over it laa.. to snap out of it laa.. to move on laa.. and when i’m finally trying to get on my feet again.. finally stable and sure that the person i like, is not just a mere rebound, it’s like you guys are unhappy about that.. you tell me that i fall fast pulak.. like wtf? And for the record.. really liking someone A LOT does not mean i wanna get into a freaking relationship ASAP. I am not ready for all that. I am not ready for the drama and I am certainly not ready to have my heart bludgeon all over again. Liking someone doesn’t mean that i’m ready for all the commitment. I just LIKE someone.. A LOT. That’s all!

So, since people can senang-senang je throw me comments and say that "i fall in love easily".. maybe i should just forget this person who actually makes me smile and just go back to being the miserable ass i once was? Maybe that would make you guys happy cos apparently, what makes me happy also makes me (look) weak.

Jangan disangka air yang tenang, tiada buaya…

P/s: and these people are giggling away cos they know that i’m actually ticked off about this whole falling fast thing.. which even makes me more pissed.. dah.. jangan YM aku pasal ni.. don’t wanna talk to you people right now :p