:: The Adorable Cookie Monster ::

Wow.

When I went to my phone dealer to have my text messages transferred from my old cellphone to my new one, i didn’t *think* that there would be THAT MANY text messages..

Of course la I KNEW that it would have been a lot.. but NOT THAT A LOT!! I am the proud owner of a phone that has close to 12000 text messages. Yes, you read right. 12000.. as in 12 thousand.. as in TWELVE THOUSAND???!!!!

Yes, it has FINALLY seeped thru.. I took the news pretty well when I noticed it during the transfer.. but now that i’m home and looking thru them, I’m sorta mortified by it. And mind you, they are ALL from ONE person and ONE person ALONE!

Memories to me, are soooo precious. Within those text messages, there were a lot of good times and bad ones.. & remembering bits and pieces of them tonight makes me wanna cry. All the hurt i’ve been trying my best to shut out from my aching heart came rushing & gushing right thru me, as if there was no barrier to begin with.

12000 text messages are surely gonna slow down my phone (no kidding!) and while i’m here, reading, reminiscing.. I know you’ve probably forgotten of my existance anyway.. wish I could forget like you.

Everyday, i hope that someday, someone will love me as much as i love The-Person-Who-Broke-My-Heart. Each day, i sit here hoping that everything was a bad dream — a stupid, stupid mistake. and everyday, I continue to hope for The-Person-Who-Broke-My-Heart to say something along the lines of, "It’s been you all along & I’ve missed you & now that I have you back with me, I’m never gonna hurt you again"… i just deeply want my heart to smile again & skip beats like it once did. 

…but all my hopes are no longer with faith cos i’ve lost it all when you went away.

Darn.. so i’m down with the flu.. felt all weak since yesterday morning and I still dragged myself up to dinner last night and to work this morning.. talk about determination..

As I was driving home from my doctor’s clinic, a song was playing on the radio.. hmm most of you would know that Son By Four song.. Purest of Pain.

I think I first heard this song in 2002, was it? Well, I was still with Ex #1 at the time.. and Ex #1 loved this song (cos I think it was overplayed back then) but I found the song to be too cheesy, I never really bothered listening to the song.. but today, feeling very vulnerable and down, I let the song play on the radio and to my horror… I felt exactly what this guy was singing… ever single bit of it. The whole surrendering bit, "just to hear your voice"..  the whole "I wish I could tell you I’m feeling better every day"… the whole "deep inside me i feel like i’m dying".. the whole "I have to see you" and the whole "days are so cold and lonely" and "tasting the whole purest of pain nightly"…

It scared me to bits cos there was someone in this world who actually understood what I was going thru.. well, at least someone wrote a song about it, so he/she must know how it’s like to miss someone tremendously.

I met En. Mus while walking to my car, from the clinic.. and he was like, ni demam rindu.. It didn’t occur to me at the time, but after giving it some thought, he might be right after all.

I know for a fact that I am missing someone immensely and boy that song didn’t help! now that I’m thinking of that person, I feel like going into tears.. My head, my heart, my feelings are such a mess right now, I don’t know which I should be listening to first!

I’m already feeling drowsy now, probably from the medication I took after dinner. Am off to bed. G’night.