There was a person, a time & a place where I believed in "always & forever".. well, that is until I lost you.
I hate the date.. so, let’s celebrate the bleedin’ broken heart.. who knows, with my luck, I might just "always & forever" suffer a broken heart.
I guess you always get what you deserve, right? No matter how nice you are, THIS is Life’s twisted way of being "just".
Just, my ass.
This life is "just"… fucking bullshit.
Mister-Big-on-Occasions, I am..
I love the planning.. I love the whole rush of how well things go (according to plan) and my prior effort goes acknowledged & the idea of that "touchy" feeling you get when someone has gone out-of-lengths to surprise you or to make your day a little more special than usual.
It doesn’t have to be Valentine’s.. it can be other Big Occasions or a just-because day.. i like to make people (or rather, a certain someone) happy.. automatically, i’d feel happy too..
This year, I didn’t have to put in as much effort as I did in past Valentine’s.. No plans, nothing solid.. just go with the flow, spontaneity.. What I can say is, it’s so unlike me.
And even though it was so unlike me.. my Valentine’s this year is actually worth remembering.. 
I didn’t get random Valentine wishes from a million people… just a pinch of meaningful words & time out with those that matter.
It’s a shame that such a lovely day is used as an opportunity to overly hike-up prices.. Flowers that usually cost between RM1.00 - RM1.50 per stalk is sold between RM10 - RM15.. it’s crazy.. however, I still believe that little gestures that may push the wallet a little is still needed, IF you’re Big on Occasions la… if you’re not, then you really wouldn’t care at all. But things like flowers or chocs or balloons or 5 pairs of shoes? hehe… could actually make a difference to a person’s day.. and that smile that’s carved deep is priceless.
I’m a very sentimental person.. A love fool.
I love "love songs".. The Love of My Life would say, you’re so "Light & Easy" (Light & Izzy.. hehe).. I’m a sucker for simple gestures like notes or cards on special occasions & "just because" days.. I love days like Valentine’s so much, I wish it was an official holiday so I can have the day off to plan my day & laze around with the one I love.. and i wish Post-Valentine’s was also another official holiday so I can recover..
The two people I’ve been with are like day & night… one totally understands how i function & dia pandai amik hati during the few occasions I’m BIG on.. the other one pulak, is not that kind of person at all.. once in a blue, blue moon kot.. You would think that with time, a person might actually "get you".. but truth is, it’s not that they don’t "get you".. you may not exactly be that special enough to them, for them to go through such lengths.
I’ve never really been able to speak my mind or pour my heart out cos I don’t wanna offend anyone.. but I believe that little gestures do matter.. & it’s not just for me.. i think in general, anyone would appreciate it.
I had a really good time last night… like I said, things may have not "gone as planned" (not that there was a plan to begin with pun) but i think i might be able to handle spontaneity too, well, once in a while.. heh.
and of course.. what would i do without my maggi goreng ayam + telur mata?
There’s so much i wanna blog about, but i don’t know where to start..
People are very funny, hard to understand individuals. They can make you happy or sad or angry or overwhelmed or mad or loved or shitty.. so much can be felt as a result of one person, what more if it’s by more than one person, being in it’s plural form; people.
Emotions are tricky. A single person can light up your day with so much magic and that very person can also take away all those feelings & replace them with darkness & gloominess.
It’s hard dealing with a broken heart. No matter how people say that time will mend the wound, at the time you’re going thru this heartbreak, it just doesn’t feel like you’re ever going to survive it. Sometimes, your heart can actually be mended by the person who broke it in the first place and the other popular option would be mended by someone else, usually more worthy of that fragile heart.
It really amazes me how people can be so nice to you when it’s convenient, then when they feel like it, they can think & say the most awful things about you no matter how nice you are to them. Maybe it’s due to rumors people say about you or maybe it’s because of mistakes made in the past. Say what you like but sometimes, it’s just unfair cos people do change.
It just hurts me the most when you can say anything you wish to me. As if I have no feelings at all. I believe there’s always a nicer way to let a person down or if you have to say something to someone, there’s always a more tactful manner to do so. Harshness is really cruel, especially if it comes from someone that matters. Anger can really do wonders to a person. It’s funny how people don’t like to get hurt but they can hurt other people with the things they say, without thinking twice.
People are just horrible people. (yes, and I say this in reference to "Kerana nila setitik"…) If the saying "Only the good die young" is true, then what is there left to look forward to if every other long-living person are bad? and really, how do you define young? Is there an actual visible line that determines that a person is young?
I know we can all point to people who seem to have it made and are still pretty vile.. but they don’t sleep at night. They have no one to really love them. Inside, they are sad and lonely and frightened. Every action you take, every decision you make, everything you do causes an immediate effect on those around you - and on you. And this is the important bit — cos there is such a thing as instant karma. It is your bed and you are going to lie in it. So, be careful how you make your bed. What goes around, comes around. There is instant karma. Treat people better.. Then when you get in the bed you’ve made, not only will you be able to sleep at night, but you’ll sleep the sleep of the just.
Honestly, I don’t care how people (in general) view me.. but i do care when I’m being reviewed by people I’m close to, be it family, partner, close friends, collegues.. I have my own skeletons, have made tons of mistakes in the past & I am not perfect but I’m still a good person, in many other ways. I have a really generous heart & I try to treat people as best as I can, even when they’re the reason I’m hurting in the first place. I do believe in Karma. Seriously, one should "count to ten" before saying something hurtful to another.. i mean, if it was you, would you have appreciated being told off that way? Not everyone can brush off hurtful words. Even though unspoken but they are often remembered.
Isn’t it ironic how bluntness can actually cut thru?
